This is the question that plagued me all through high school, college, and my early 20s: How will I know if someone is the one I want to spend my life with?
I thought it would be a gut feeling. I thought that somewhere deep inside, my heart would immediately know when I met “the one.”
And that did happen for me. Three different times. With three different guys. And sadly, none of them were my husband James!
Hey friends!
Have you ever wondered, “Hmm…I know the Bible says not to have sex before I get married…but it doesn’t give a list of written guidelines for exactly how far it’s okay to go with my significant other. So how far is too far?”
My husband and I wondered the same thing many times. Here are some of the questions we asked ourselves that helped us figure out what boundaries to set in our relationship — and the reason we rephrased the “how far is too far” question to something else entirely…
Comment below with anything you’d like to add! I hope this video blogs helps as you answer the “how far is too far” question for yourself! 🙂
Love,
Tiffany
Hi friends!!
So glad you’re here! I want to give you a whole bunch of helpful, encouraging resources (vlogs, blogs, recommended reading, etc.) all about dating, singleness, and sex! –> only the most fun topics EVER!! So look through, click on the images below, and explore away!
Love, Tiffany
I’m often asked, “How can I help my friend who’s struggling with an eating disorder?” Here are eight ways.
Let me introduce you to my friend Rayni. We met via the blogger world, and then actually grabbed coffee together this spring, while I was in her neck of the woods: beautiful San Diego, CA! She is seriously the sweetest person ever, and I had to ask her to share some of her wisdom in a guest post. This is also a guest post for the resource page of my Boycrazy book, but I wanted to share it with you here as well. Without further ado…Rayni Peavy!
I didn’t date a lot as a teen or young adult. Sure, I went on some dates and there were always guys I was interested in. But for the most part the guys I liked didn’t like me back; and the guys I didn’t like were interested in me. Has that happened to you? Talk about frustrating!
In high school I was a “good kid”. I didn’t party or drink or sneak out. I had close friends who were similar to me. I grew up believing in Jesus but I wasn’t very grounded in church.
Then I got to college and one of my new friends was someone who partied a lot. Somehow she and I made friends with the fraternity across the street from our dorm and started regularly going to parties. All of a sudden I was flirting in overdrive, drinking too much, and staying out till the early morning hours.
In some ways it seemed fun but it also left me feeling increasingly empty inside.
I knew that something needed to change and instinctively, I knew it had to do with needing more of God in my life.
I started going to church again, reading the Bible for myself for the first time and began falling in love with Jesus. I can remember one day specifically when I was filled with this overwhelming joy. I had never experienced anything like it before. I knew it was a joy that only God can give.
Going to a party isn’t a bad thing, of course, but the type of partying I had been doing wasn’t what I wanted to keep doing any longer.
Though I kissed a lot of guys in college, by God’s grace I managed to not have sex until I got married. If I hadn’t, I think it would have been so intensely emotionally wounding for me. Because God made sex to be enjoyed in the covenant of marriage, when we go outside of that design, we get hurt.
God isn’t a killjoy wanting to burden us with lots of rules to take the fun out of life. God always wants the best for us; so when we go beyond the boundaries of the wisdom of His design, that’s when we can get hurt.
As a 36-year-old woman who has been through that whole party scene, I want to communicate to you from my heart that YOU are SO cherished by God AND you’re worth waiting for. Period.
So, I have a few questions to ask you…
And if you have had sex before you’re married, He’s not waiting to hammer you over the head in disgust. Neither am I. He wants to heal your heart and bring you close to Him.
I love this verse from the Old Testament:
“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
God is with you AND He’s singing over you. Can you picture that? The Creator of everything that will ever exist is rejoicing over you right now! He takes delight in you! No. Matter. What.
Can I pray for you?
God, You are loving, gracious, kind and accepting. Nothing we could ever do, good or bad, can separate us from Your love. I pray for each young woman who is reading this right now. I pray that you will make Yourself known to her in such a special way; that she’ll know how much You love her and special she is to you. Heal her from past hurts and help her to make wise decisions as she walks into her future. Thank you for her precious life. In Jesus’ Name…Amen.
Rayni Peavy is a writer and speaker bringing a message of hope, freedom and fullness of life. With a passion for healthy relationships, she encourages others to live out the abundant life Jesus offers. Rayni is author of the new book Ten Marriage Lessons From a Semi-Newlywed (available on Amazon). She is also a regular contributor for Start Marriage Right and Christian Mingle. In her free time Rayni enjoys being near the ocean, learning to speak French, and exploring new cuisine with her super cute foodie husband. Find more blogs, podcasts and videos about relationships and faith at RayniPeavy.com.
Let me introduce to you a new friend. I met up with Jen in a Cheesecake Factory during tour earlier this year. Hearing a little bit of her story, and the life that bubbles out of her, I asked her to write a blog. This is being posted as a resource on the page for my new book “Boycrazy,” but I also wanted to share it with you all. Welcome, Jen!
I begin writing to you before the sun is up, with kids music playing on my iPhone, a telling patch of spit-up on my sweater, and more than likely some noticeable bags under my eyes from a late-night diaper change or two. (I say “more than likely” because I’ve yet to have a moment amidst the morning nursing, burping, and changing to really look at myself in the mirror.) Welcome Baby Jack! Moments like these it is, admittedly, sometimes hard to recall the days before Jack was here – the lazy mornings of sleeping in, coffee in bed, a house that was clean and tidy almost all the time, and long, uninterrupted talks holding hands with my hubby, Austin. Even harder still to recall are the memories of singleness before Austin came into my life.
But as I sit here, still trying to catch my breath and gain my balance as I learn to become a mom, I find myself contemplating God and His astounding glory, and as I look at how far He has brought me, I wonder: how am I doing at giving God the glory for all of this?
This verse speaks of a worship – a lifestyle – that goes far beyond Sunday morning and shows us that absolutely everything we do – from our first coffee to our last thought before we fall asleep – is to be completely wrapped up in God and His glory.
That includes our love stories.
A few years ago, my best friend wrote me a letter of promise that will serve to remind me of God and His goodness for the rest of my life. When she wrote this letter to me, I was smack in the middle of dateless, hopeless, singleness. I remember being so discouraged! But her challenge was to wait on the Lord. Like Elijah in 1 Kings, sending his servant up the mountain seven times to look for the coming rain, she challenged me to continue to give it all to God and properly display His glory even when I didn’t understand. Being single, I kept asking myself: Why would He give me this desire for marriage and family if He had no intention of giving it to me? What if I never have kids? What if I never have a husband? Is Christ enough even if I am to be single forever?
Therein lies the sin that is in my heart – in our hearts. The sin that says “God doesn’t have my best interest in mind. God should do it my way. God, maybe you messed up.” Or maybe even “God, I’ll live for your glory as soon as you give me what I want.”
That’s where I was.
How this plays itself out in each of our lives might be different. But the outward actions of my inward sin started to make themselves known as I became obsessed with my appearance and wardrobe, talking myself up on social media, hanging out with friends with questionable motives, which led to even dating non-Christian men who were not interested in me for the right reasons. This sin in my life continued as I began to believe and even anticipate that sexual purity was not something that was or would be valued by my future spouse. It came to a head when I realized that I had completely separated my dating life and relationship status from my walk with Christ, because there was no way I could reconcile them to each other.
It was only after a week in Haiti on the mission field and God bringing me to my knees through ending a dating relationship that was not honoring to Him that I finally surrendered this struggle to Him and saw this idol for what it was:
Sin. Destructive, dangerous sin.
In the months that followed, I remember working so hard to kill sin and break habits. It started with the movies I watched and music I listened to and went all the way up to who I hung out with and how I spent my free time. Painful days followed as Christ begin to show me what it meant to live for Him.
God is worthy of your praise and all glory yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever! Easier said than done, right? It’s only accomplished through Christ at work in us. Scripture reminds us that we once were all dead in our sins (Ephesians 2) but that God made us alive through Christ. This is why He is deserving of glory. Because only through Him are we even alive!
Here’s the challenge I gave to myself when I began trying to glorify God in my singleness, and I share it with you as a way to help you along in your journey as well.
1: Be an example to others (1 Timothy 4:12) This includes how I talk, act, and live. It has to flow through my usage of social media, the way I dress, what I talk about, and who I hang out with.
2: Guard my heart and the hearts of my brothers around me (1 Timothy 5).
3: Dress modestly. (1 Timothy 2). Dress in a way that shows the gospel and demonstrates that Christ is my covering (Galatians 3:27).
4: Keep my heart pure, so that my body will follow. (Proverbs 4:23). Discipline myself in purity and keep my eyes and ears from things that would lead me into temptation.
5: STOP LUSTING! (Matthew 5:28). Remember that God is interested in my heart. Even if I’m not physically having sex, if my mind is there all the time, it’s the same as doing it.
Since then, as God has brought me on this journey of being single, dating, engaged, and now married, these challenges have held true in all seasons. Don’t ever fool yourself into thinking that once you are married you won’t struggle with these things any longer. You will! This is why we must place glorifying God as top priority in everything we do, for it is only in Him that we can work towards these things.
What better way to honor your future husband than by putting on Christ right now, today?
Jen Wright is a native of Minnesota and grew up fishing, working on the family farm, and watching the Minnesota Vikings play football. She became a Christian as a child, and God called her to ministry and missions after a trip to Haiti in 2012. She married her husband, Austin in 2013 and is now a new mom to baby Jack. Some of her hobbies include cooking, baking, drawing, writing, and just being a mom. Currently on her reading list and iPod are The Joyful Christian by CS Lewis, The Question of God by Armand Nicholi, Jr., Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand, and music by All Sons and Daughters and Charlie Hall. Jen currently serves as Girls Director at Severns Valley Baptist Church in Elizabethtown, KY. Her biggest joy is working unto the Lord and watching people change by His grace. Follow her adventures in ministry, mommyhood, and life at www.thejlwrightblog.com.
What do these four have in common? Girls ministry!
I just had a lovely conversation with Janna Beth from RAVE Ministries, which got me thinking…I just LOVE these women I’ve been blessed to connect with this year! There’s this feeling of, “Together we can reach so many more girls than we can apart.” I’m just so excited for the things God is doing in each of these ministries, and I’d encourage you to check out their sites and the unique resources each one has to offer!
RAVE Ministries: A community of girls who can lean on each other and live a life worth raving about! Check out their DVDs on topics like jealousy, sex, and body image; the No Makeup November movement; and other resources.
Girls Living 4 God: Encouraging you to seek God’s best — it’s worth the wait! Check out Dechari Cole’s new book “Finding Your Fairytale Ending,” tons of guest articles on relevant life topics, and more.
SAGE Ministries: Reaching, teaching, and training girls, while partnering with their parents and youth leaders. Check out their conferences in Texas and Oklahoma, the Impact Academy, podcasts, and other resources!
Crown of Beauty Magazine: Reminding us that God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. This magazine is full of natural beauty tips, fall fashions, interviews with people doing super cool things in life, and the ever-present reminder that we daughters of the King!
I’m so excited for these amazing women, the ministries God has put in their hearts, and the unique resources each one has to offer.
Tiffany Dawn 