Here’s the ugly truth:
I hated myself.
And I wish I could tell you that hatred only lasted a few days, weeks, or even months. But you see, that hatred consumed years of my life. And it was ugly and exhausting.
And here’s what’s even worse: I knew better.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139: 13-14
“You knit me together.” And I knew that. You see, I knew I had been fearfully and wonderfully created by God. And I knew that by hating myself I was essentially telling him that I hated his Creation (and believe me, that made me feel even worse).