Choosing to Put My Marriage First

More times than not, if you run into me while I’m out and about, my son is attached to my hip. At almost 15 months, he’s my constant companion. I cherish every second I get with him, especially because I’m not a stay-at-home mom. Our time together is so precious, so valuable.

One of my toughest days as a mom was the day I returned to work. I still live with residual guilt from this decision.

Because my time with my son is limited, I find myself engrossed with all things Everett. We play trucks, we read books, we dance and sing…I cram everything I can fit within the two and a half hours before bedtime. Sometimes it feels like I am trying to prove to myself that I am a devoted mom, because I chose to go back to work instead of staying home with my little boy.

So, where does this leave my husband? How do I find time to show Ryan the same level of love and devotion?

I wish I could say that I have it all figured out. I wish I could say that I am the perfect wife who makes dinner for her husband, asks him about his day and gives him all the attention that he deserves. But to be honest, there have even been occasions when I have wondered if I remembered to give him a kiss goodbye that morning…

(Watch: The Real Talk About Marriage Series: Expectations)

When I became a mother, God didn’t speak into my heart and say, “Now that you’re a mom, your son comes first.” As a matter of fact, nowhere in the Bible does it say that my child should come before my husband. This was all my doing – I made that choice. It was not an intentional decision, and it took me awhile to realize what I had done.

Several months ago, after some much needed prayer and discussion, I chose to put my marriage first.

“For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” 1 Peter 3:5 (ESV)

That doesn’t mean that I drop Everett off to Grandma and Grandpa’s every weekend, nor does it mean that I only care about Ryan’s needs and wants.

  • It means that I hire a sitter for the nights that my husband wants to go to our small group together instead of separately, because I know how much that means to him.
  • It means that I make some of his favorite meals to let him know that I’m thinking of him.
  • It means taking the time to create a thoughtful Friday night together at home (oh, Scrabble…you are my nemesis).
  • It means that I (mostly) let go of the mom guilt and allow myself a date night with my husband out of the house and without a third wheel.

(Watch: How to Develop a Christ-Centered Marriage.)

You know what’s pretty amazing? I am a better mom because I am a better wife.

We are setting a better example for our son by putting our marriage first.

God wants each and every one of us to have the best marriage possible. That doesn’t mean perfection; it means conscious effort.

God’s not telling us that women are less than men and that our needs are insignificant. Rather, He is calling on us women to be the best helpmates we can be. Trust in God, lean on His word.

(Watch: How to Handle Conflict in Marriage.)

When Sarah respected and followed Abraham’s lead, she became the mother of a nation. When our marriages are strong, our children will be the better for it.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a Scrabble game to win…


img_2057Kimmie Plummer wants other women to know they are not alone. Her life is perfectly imperfect, filled with coffee and a whole lot of Jesus. She spends most of her days with her best friend & husband, Ryan, and their sweet little boy, Everett, playing with trucks and singing her best impressions of Elmo. When she’s not singing (off-key) and playing trucks, you can find her at Target, trying not to buy the whole store. Follow her on Instagram at @kplummahhh.

For more posts like this:

This post marks the finale of our February Relationship Series! We hope these blogs have truly encouraged your heart. To read previous posts in the series, click below:


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