On Tuesdays I have just one class in the morning — and it doesn’t start until 11. So to treat myself, I wake up naturally, eat yummy oatmeal, and catch up on the Bachelor.
I know, I know, many of you probably think that the Bachelor is a terrible show … and to be honest, I do not disagree with you. But I can’t stop watching it! It has become so addictive. My friends and I like to cuddle up on the couch with whatever snacks we are feeling, and we cannot stop laughing at all the ridiculous things the girls say or do.
This show really helps me feel so smart for choosing to stay single.
I am a 20-year-old going to a Christian university that seems very focused on relationships and this concept of “Ring by Spring.” My friends and I like to have “raw like almond” conversations (as I like to call them) about the deep desire to be in a relationship, and the way we are wrestling with the Lord, trying to figure out His purpose in our singleness.
I think many of us struggle with the desire to be in relationship, wondering when it will happen, and yet still honoring the Lord through the season we’re in. If you are in that stage, I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. And here’s what I’ve been learning…
Like I’ve mentioned before, I go to school in Southern California, and surfing is part of the culture here. It is almost impossible to go a day without seeing someone in a wet suit. (Initially, I thought that was a bit strange — seeing as I’m a girl from Indiana. Now, however, it’s so normal.)
I think singleness is a little like learning how to surf.
- In the beginning, the main goal of surfing is to learn how to paddle through a wave and get past the wake.
- Once you figure out how to do that, you learn how to determine what is a good wave and what is just a “meh” wave.
- After that, you start to learn how to stand up and ride the waves. Sometimes you are successful, and sometimes you are not.
Whether you have been in multiple relationships or have never been in a relationship, you can understand what I am talking about when I say that boys are confusing.
Just like the first time you get on a surf board, it is so confusing trying to figure out how to paddle the correct way. It looks so easy in the movies, but once you get on the board, man is it confusing!
Being single in a world that is wired to be in relationships means you’ll need to figure out how to ride the waves.
Singleness, for me at least, comes in waves of good and bad.
There are times when I am on cloud nine in my happiness,
times when I am all about GIRL POWER,
times when I am stoked just to be out on the board with the Lord and then it hits:
The wave we all know all too well, the wave of loneliness.
There are so many times when I think I am doing great but get pummeled by a wave that I didn’t see coming, and before you know it, I am back in the water, drenched in loneliness.
I have heard more times than I can count that I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy and let me tell you this is so true. However, there are something else we should acknowledge as well:
Being single can SUCK.
- Being single, you can feel ISOLATED.
- Being single, you can start to pick apart everything that society tells you is wrong with you.
You are normal if you ever experience those feelings.
I frequently journal, “Lord why does being single hurt so bad?” or, “Lord why am I still single?”
The Lord is not afraid of your hard questions; in fact, He loves to be there for you — to take up all your questions and doubts.
He can handle your hard questions.
I think that part of honoring God in your singleness is being honest with not only yourself, but also with the Lord.
This is not an easy stage of your life. It hurts, it is confusing, and it’s complicated. But we have a pretty crazy Lover of our Souls who is chasing us harder and faster than any wave ever can. He declares in Isaiah 54:10:
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my UNFAILING LOVE for you will not be SHAKEN, nor my covenant for peace by removed,” says the Lord who has compassion on you.
So as Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, remember that it is okay to fall off the board.
After all, we have a pretty great “Lifeguard.” He’s coming after you to save you and love you with His everlasting Love.
Julia Robison is a ordinary girl loving and serving an extraordinary God. She is a sophomore psychology student in sunny southern California, trying to balance her desire to study with her desire to go to the beach. She is a lover of doughnuts, all things peanut butter, sunsets, and great conversations over beautiful cups of coffee. Follow Julia’s personal blog here, as well as her instagram: @julia _ _ robison.