[This post is based on my new Boycrazy seminar.]
My greatest fear in life has been that I wouldn’t give a guy a reason to stick around.
No, I take that back. My greatest fear in life is being eaten by wild animals. (I’m so serious right now. Realistic, I know.) My second greatest fear is that I’d never keep a guy’s attention.
Too many times I’ve bought into the cultural idea that I am my body, and my body is the greatest gift I have to offer in a relationship. Too many times I’ve bought into the mentality that, even if I’m not having sex (which I haven’t), I should still be super physical with a boyfriend.
If you were at the Boycrazy seminar, you heard the story of my last boyfriend, who sat me down and told me, “Tiffany, I feel like you’re trying to prove something, like you’re trying to prove to me that you’re sexy enough. But you have nothing to prove! I like you the way you are, and I respect you. I want to treat you like a daughter of the King, and I need you to help me do that.”
[Cue collective “awwww” moment.]
In that moment, I knew that the kind of man I’d dreamed about as a little girl actually existed. The kind of man who was strong and kind, with the heart of a lion. The kind of man who would fight for the heart and honor of a daughter of the King. In that moment I knew:
Never again will I settle for anything less than this.
So here’s what I want to say to all you girls out there: You are worth more than your body.
I know you’ve heard it a hundred times, but I don’t think we often believe it. I never thought I was worth waiting for, so I didn’t respect myself. Now I know: I am worth waiting for — not because of who I am, but because of who my Father is.
As much as I look forward to being with a man physically when I am married, in the meantime, I have so many other things to offer in a relationship — besides just my body.
So. Let’s talk about ten things we have to give in a dating relationship — besides our bodies.
- Interests. Find things the guy is interested in, and learn about them. I had this boyfriend who loved weather systems (so weird, right? It’s cause he was a pilot). Anytime I’d talk with him about weather, he LOVED it!!
- Surprises. Leave a note on his windshield or a fresh, steaming cup of coffee in his locker.
- Affirmation. I always thought that only girls needed to hear they were wonderful. Turns out guys do too! They want to feel needed (though not smothered) and respected. We can let them know how wonderful they are!
- Activities. Go do something fun together! (I’m talking sports and adventure, people, keep it clean!) Try a new activity or enjoy a hobby you have in common. What about geo cashing, board games, rock climbing, kayaking, or something else? What if you join a group of people who play soccer or hike all the mountains in the area? Make something that’s your thing to do.
- Friendships. Get to know his friends and family — and let him get to know yours! I’ve tried to date in a vacuum, and it doesn’t work. How a guy interacts with his family and friends tells you a lot about who he is. Plus, group dates help keep us accountable in our physical relationship — and they’re tons of fun!
- Thank yous. Notice the little things he does, even things like opening doors for you or helping your little sister work on her bike. Let him know how much you appreciate those things.
- Listening. Really listen, don’t just fake it.
- Humor. Be goofy together! Just HAVE FUN!!
- Devotion. Encourage one another in the Lord; keep Christ front and center of your relationship.
- Food. Obviously. We all know the way to a guy’s heart is through his stomach! (Actually, that’s the way to my heart too…)
Remember: You are more than just your body!!
“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (1 Cor. 6:19-20)