I’m sitting here at a Panera’s just outside Washington, DC, writing, writing, writing. (You know you’re passionate about something when you pass up the mall for it!)
Tomorrow I have meetings with a couple ministries, and am so anticipating connecting with these incredible people and seeing how God may work! Saturday one of the ministries is showing me around DC, and Sunday I’ll visit friends who live nearby.
OH!!! I’m really hoping to go to the International Spy Museum while I’m here! Can I just tell you how insanely excited I got when I saw the ad for that?! You can even do a spy op while you’re there!! (Maybe they’ll recruit me for the CIA…)
But the reason for this odd little note is to share something with you – something that spoke such life to my soul.
The past few weeks I’ve been wrestling with feeling like my heart is not in the right place. I’ve been so frustrated with myself, and asking God to change me, but wanting to run away from Him cause I haven’t liked what I’ve seen. Have you ever experienced that?
Well I was reading over my journals from the fall, and saw one that spoke so much to my heart. I hope it encourages your heart as well! 🙂
October 5, 2012: I’m speaking at Alfred tonight and have been trying to pray and get my heart close to God, but feeling so far. And I realized a few things as I’ve been trying to draw near today:
- I need Him even to need Him. I am utterly dependent on HIM (not on my own abilities) to stay close to Him.
- I have to be determined and resolved. I have to diligently seek Him even when it doesn’t come easily. I have to be after Him with all my heart and sold out to pursue Him at all costs. Being a warrior princess lover. That glorifies Him.
- He’s not disappointed that I don’t feel close; He’s delighting in me as I attempt to fight through and draw closer. He is so happy I am fighting through. That prolly brings more joy to His heart than when I FEEL close, because it says, “You are worth it all!”
Whether in this moment I know it only in my head or in my emotions too – I know that You are what I want Jesus. That I have nothing and am nothing apart from You. That You are my one thing and greatest desire. That I want to be close to You and walk in the power of Your Spirit. I WANT YOU.
So there’s your little shout out from a Panera Bread near Washington, DC. 🙂 I hope it encourages your heart as it did mine!