Lately I’ve been praying, “God forgive me; I still love my life too much.”
As I’ve been continuing to read “Crazy Love,” I’ve been realizing how much I hold onto my comforts and my “me time” and what I want, instead of being willing to spend myself and give away all I have to serve and love others – truly, deeply. I’ve been convicted that I really need to treat everyone I meet as though they were Jesus… or as though they were my little sister. If I saw my little sister sitting alone in the dining hall, I’d practically sprint across the room to sit with her. It would break my heart to leave her by herself. But I’d rather sit alone with my book reading than sit with someone I don’t really know who’s by themselves. What is wrong with that picture? They’re someone’s son or daughter; there is some mother or sister or brother who would sprint across the room to sit with them; they’re loved by God. The problem is: I still love my life too much.
What about the man at the oil change shop who started talking with me about his daughter. I listened, but I didn’t really want to. I just wanted to get back to the paperwork I had to fill out for my internship. And when he was interrupted for a minute by a coworker, I gladly went back to my paperwork with a sense of relief, instead of genuinely listening and caring and asking questions. Why? Because I still love my life too much.
God! I need Your help. Thankfully I can revel in His acceptance, and I don’t have to try to spend myself more in an attempt to earn His love. I already have His love; when I accepted Jesus I became His daughter, and nothing can separate me from His love. But I can feel His stirring in my soul, cause when you glimpse the kind of love He gives, there is nothing you want more than to lay down your life for Him. And we show Him our love by obeying: Loving God and loving others. Deeply. Truly. But I still love my own life too much. So I’ve been asking for His help – to love my life less and love Him more.